1. Do cheer. Don’t coach.

Yell "great job" or "go team" all you want, but don't coach your child. I know: It can be so difficult not to provide instruction to your child during the game, especially when you think you can help. But really, you’re not helping. According to an article posted on the American College of Sports Medicine site, “Being a Good Sport (Spectator): A Quick Guide for Parents”, coaching your child during a game can be problematic for two reasons: First, your child should be automatically responding to the cues of the other players and action happening in the game, not thinking about modifying his technique. Once he starts focusing inwardly, he misses opportunities. Second, when you talk to your child during a game, you're actually forcing her to try to do two things at once. Just let her focus on the game. Practices – not games – are the times for Instruction and technique development.

2. Do celebrate the team’s achievements. Don’t be obnoxious.

Be a good role model for your child. Demonstrate good sportsmanship. Cheer for the whole team, not just your child. No need to scream your kid's name at the top of your lungs every time she makes a basket. And please, no trash talking. Be gracious toward the other team, whether your child’s team wins or loses. Some of my favorite post-game moments have been when a parent or a coach from the other team comes up and tells us that our team played well. They have done this when we’ve won and when we’ve lost – it’s always nice to hear either way.

3. Do support your child. Don’t make it all about you, the coach, the referee, or the other players.

If you want your child to succeed, make sure s/he is prepared for games with the proper equipment, a clean uniform, healthy pre-game food, and adequate rest. Get your child to practices and games on time. Be there to cheer for your child’s team. That’s where your job ends. This is your kid’s thing, not yours. Give your child room to learn and develop their own love of the sport. If you want to play, find an adult league. If you want to coach, volunteer to be a coach (I can tell you, it is a lot of work, but it’s also very rewarding).

It’s also not about your child's coach, the referee, or the other players. Grumbling about the coach’s strategies, the ref’s calls, or the skills of the other players won’t help your child. In fact, s/he may be ostracized because of your behavior. 

4. Do show up for games. Don’t bring the family pets.

Some leagues have explicitly stated rules about not bringing pets to games. But whether there is a written rule or not, it is common courtesy to leave pets at home. Aside from the possibility of your child taking a nose dive into the grass where a dog just did its business, having pets on the field is a huge distraction to the players.

Some kids are terrified of animals and can’t focus on the game when pets are around. (I know this is hard to understand when your pet is lovable, sweet, and the family’s pride and joy.) Likewise, when the players adore animals, they spend much of the game focused on that cute little ball of fur instead of paying attention to what's happening in the game.

In some cases, pets can actually alter the outcome of a game. At one of our soccer matches, a big dog broke away from its family on the sidelines, tore through the field, and blocked the goal just as a child was making a move to score. It's kind of funny in hindsight, but you can bet that the child and her coach were not amused.

5. Do tell your kids how much you like to watch their games. Don’t debrief them on the game during the car ride home.

According to Steve Henson with Yahoo Sports, two former longtime coaches, Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC, conducted an informal survey of college athletes. When asked about their worst memories from playing sports when they were growing up, many responded “The ride home from games with my parents.” Conversely, when asked what their parents said that made them feel great, it was, “I love to watch you play.”

I know that while it sounds simple, it isn’t easy. If you’re frustrated by your child's performance because you know she isn’t giving it 100%, or watching the games is painful because your kid’s team always loses, you may not actually love watching her play. I get it. I really do. But this might be the time to try "fake it ‘til you make it”. If you can’t muster that, just follow the old rule, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” When we can't come up with anything positive to say about the way our kids played, we just ask them if they had fun. Even when they lose, they almost always say that they did have fun. And that's the most important thing, right?

For more parent resources and reading on the topic of being a good spectator (and wonderful sports parent in general), check out these sites:

• Braintree Youth Soccer – How to Be a Better Sports Parent (PDF).
• American College of Sports Medicine - Being a Good Sport (Spectator): A Quick Guide for Parents
• Lots of great posts at JBM Thinks, a Sports Parenting blog
• CLCF Soccer – Parent Clinic on Being a Great Spectator

Originally published September 19, 2012