100 Best Dad Jokes for Kids That Are Bad, Corny, and Funny!
The best dad jokes for kids are sometimes the silliest or most cliché jokes around. The cringier the better, right?
But we’re showing up for you, Dad. We've rounded up 100 of our favorite one-liners, puns, corny dad jokes, and even bad dad jokes that are sure to make someone in the family chuckle this Father's Day and all year long. Maybe.
Read on for 100 of the best dad jokes for kids, from animal and food jokes to sports and pop culture gags. Find even more laughs—including our list of 75 jokes for kids that will keep the whole family in giggles—in our Boredom Busters for Kids guide.
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Best Dad Jokes for Kids
1. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One. Anna Two.
2. Two guys walked into a bar.
The third guy ducked.
3. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey. (I'm 80.)
4. When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
5. How do you throw a party on Mars?
You planet.
6. Do you have holes in your underwear?
No...?
Then how do you put your legs through?
7. When is it time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30)
8. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months...
9. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
10. What do clouds wear?
Thunderwear
11. I don’t trust those trees.
They seem kind of shady.
12. What has more letters than the alphabet?
The post office!
13. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know…
14. Do you want a box for your leftovers?
No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
15. How do you make a robot angry?
Keep pushing its buttons
16. How did the piano get locked out?
It lost its keys.
17. Why is the nose sad?
It's always getting picked on.
Corny Dad Jokes That Make You Groan
18. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?
Forget it. It’s way over your head.
19. I've decided to sell my Roomba.
It was just collecting dust anyway.
20. Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes?
They just want to help you become a groan-up.
21. I used to play piano by ear.
Now I use my hands.
22. It’s raining cats and dogs.
So be careful not to step in a poodle.
23. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick
24. What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint
25. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
26. The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow, but I recommend avoiding it for the time being.
People will be lined up for blocks.
27. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
28. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
29. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
30. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
31. What’s harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath
32. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick!
33. What are the world’s smartest animals?
Fish, because they stay in schools
34. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear?
Loafers
35. What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
What a re-leaf.
36. What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich?
Millionaire
RELATED: 25 Funny Knock Knock Jokes for Kids with Growing Funny Bones
Give Dad an extra laugh or two!
Best Dad Jokes About Food
37. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing
38. Why did the girl throw a stick of butter out the window?
To see a butterfly
39. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (imposter)
40. What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
41. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was "ahead," but the tomato was trying to "catch up."
42. Why shouldn't you tell a taco a secret?
They tend to spill the beans!
43. What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blue-berry
44. What kind of car does an egg drive?
A yolkswagen
45. What did the baby corn say to the mom corn?
Where’s the popcorn?
46. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
“Yellow!”
47. Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list.
Now I can’t read it.
48. Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe (can't elope)
Best Dad Jokes About Animals
49. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
50. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk
51. What do bees chew?
Bumble gum
52. Why does the crab never share?
Because it's shellfish (selfish)
53. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea! (no-eye-deer)
54. What do you call a pair of monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime-mates
55. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are so good at it
56. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
57. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.
58. What do mice use to floss their teeth?
String cheese
59. Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives
60. Where do cows go for entertainment?
The moooooooooovies
61. What does a panda ghost like to eat?
Bam-BOO!
62. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop
63. Why couldn't the pony sing?
Because she was a little horse (hoarse)
64. What did the frog order at McDonald's?
French flies and Diet Croak
65. What's black and white and red all over?
An embarrassed zebra
66. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels
67. Why did the whale blush?
It saw the ocean’s bottom.
68. What do you call a cow after an earthquake?
A milkshake
69. Why type of dog tells time best?
A watchdog
70. What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block
RELATED: 25 Fun Riddles for Kids and Families
Dads love princess jokes!
Best Dad Jokes About Pop Culture
71. How does Princess Peach reach things on a high shelf?
She uses a Toad-stool.
72. Why did Darth Vader turn off one light?
He prefers it on the dark side.
73. How does Taylor Swift dry her umbrella?
She shakes it off, shakes it off.
74. Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she runs away from the ball.
75. Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald?
He lost his Hedwig.
76. Why shouldn't Elsa have a balloon?
Because she would let it go.
77. Why are celebrities so cool?
They have many fans.
78. How do you make Lady Gaga mad?
Poke her face
79. Is BB hungry?
No, BB-8. (BB ate.)
80. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
81. Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
He has green thumbs.
Best Dad Jokes About School
82. What's a pirate's favorite subject in school?
Arrrrrrrrrrt.
83. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity?
Totally shocked
84. Why did the dog do so well in school?
Because he was the teacher’s pet!
85. Why did the M&M go to school?
Because it wanted to be a Smartie!
86. Why is the math book sad?
It has a lot of problems.
87. Why does the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students are so bright.
88. Why shouldn't you use a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless
89. Why did the boy throw a clock out the window at school?
To see time fly
90. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
They woke him up.
Best Dad Jokes About Sports
91. In baseball, does it take longer to run from 1st to 2nd base or from 2nd to 3rd base?
2nd to 3 base, because there’s a shortstop in between.
92. I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger...
...then it hit me.
93. Where do quarterbacks go to dance?
Footballs
94. Why did the coach yell at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.
95. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
96. Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to the game?
A: Because he traveled a lot
97. Where do sports teams go to buy new uniforms?
New Jersey
98. Why are basketball players messy eaters?
Because they are always dribbling!
99. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.
100. Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter!
