The TRUE Insider's Guide to the Upper West Side

By Amy Wilson

Sure, people say that the Upper West Side is one giant day care center, and in ratio of children under five to Gen Y hipsters, they’ve got a point. But some of the neighborhood restaurants, playspaces, and other businesses that ostensibly cater to parents and their young can be more trouble than they’re worth. So here is the true insider’s guide to the Upper West Side: a world beyond the Children’s Museum of Manhattan and West Side Kids— places that my kids love, and that therefore I love, because they make my life easier. Thank you, oh thank you, to:

PETCO (92nd and Broadway) Need to kill an hour on a rainy afternoon? Wheel your Bugaboo around this pet wonderland and visit the hamsters, fish, turtles, and exotic birds. The staff know why you’re really there, so they don’t try to get you to buy anything, and you can stay as long as you like.

UPTOWN BIRDS (85th and Amsterdam) is a similarly great resource, getting second mention here only because I’ve been going to Petco for four years and Uptown Birds just opened.

COMMERCE BANK (94th and Broadway) is another lifesaver for cranky moms and kids who can’t face the long walk to the Museum of Natural History. Just gather up the change around the house, bring it into Commerce Bank, have your kids put it all in the bank’s Magic Change Counter-ator, and not only do you get your change counted, your kid gets a PRIZE, and a general fuss made over him, and you needn’t even be a Commerce Bank customer. Now that’s service.

MCDONALD’S (90th and Columbus) I know the Golden Arches of Arteriosclerosis are anathema to many parents. But this McDonald’s has an INDOOR PLAYSPACE upstairs that can be had for the cost of a McFlurry, or a dollar value McBurrito, and there is never anyone McIn There. My younger son is a little bit afraid of the Hamburglar mural on the wall, but the Mayor McCheese looks friendly enough.

For somewhat finer dining, a parent’s best bet is:

FRED’S (83rd and Amsterdam). When you walk in with three cranky children in tow, their smiles do not waver. They will usher you to a candlelit table, in a tavern atmosphere, where your kids can color and look at all the pictures of doggies on the wall while you sip, yes, a SANGRIA, and maybe even eat something that is neither breaded nor in a pastry shell.

NEW YORK KIDS CLUB (87th and Broadway, 68th and Amsterdam) has great classes for all ages. But my favorite NYKC feature is Open Play, offered at different times each afternoon. They are cancelled rather too often for my tastes, for birthday parties which have dibs on the space, but for about $10 a kid (you have to buy passes in advance) your children have free rein of the trampoline, the bars, the parachute, and lots of room to run around. Even better? The Friday Open Play at the 68th St location offers wine and hors d’oeuvres for the parents and babysitters.

ESSENTIALS (82nd and Broadway) looks unassuming enough from the street. It does have two fifty-cent kiddie rides outside—Dino from The Flintstones, and Ernie and Bert on a fire engine. Still, an unsuspecting mom might think that was all this packed-to-the-rafters corner drugstore had to offer. But climb the stairs to the second floor, and you will find, to your shock, a considerable toy department, and a large Thomas the Tank Engine train table display, at which your toddlers can play all afternoon if they feel like it. The only cost of admission is getting your stroller up those damn steps. But it’s those steps that make the train table our little secret. And Mommy, especially if you have a young one who likes trains, it will be WORTH IT.

And once you leave Essentials, you’re only two blocks from

PLAZA TOO (80th and Broadway), the best shoe and handbag store around, IMHO, not just because I drool over their stuff, but because they keep a small basket of toys around for your kids to play with while you try on shoes. One day I got half an hour out of that basket. My two boys were so taken with whatever was in there (and believe me, it doesn’t look exciting) that they refused to leave. A WOMAN’S SHOE STORE. I think this is brilliant customer service on their part, and no doubt, sells more shoes. So g’head. Spend the afternoon there, Mom. Your kids won’t even notice that for once, it’s all about you.

Amy Wilson is the mother of three young children. She has lived on the Upper West Side for 15 years. Her one-woman show about the inanities of modern parenting, Mother Load, begins a national tour in September 2008. She blogs at motherloadshow.blogspot.com.