NYC Nanny 101: The finding and care of your nanny, Part 2

Mommy Poppins reader, Robin, says she's found a few nannies to interview through other nannies, friends and craigslist (just as we suggested in part 1 of this series)...but, now what! As Robin plainly puts it, "My husband and I agree on one thing - we have no idea what we are doing."

So you've gotten some names, what next? How do you conduct a nanny interview?: What questions do you ask? How much should you offer to pay? What are you forgetting? In part two of our series on the finding and care of your nanny we will answer these and other pressing questions.

What is the job description?
The first question you should ask is for yourself. What do you want this person to do for you? Many caregivers are happy to do household help in addition to taking care of children. Then again, some are not interested in that at all. Obviously you want the best person for your child, first and foremost, but that isn't necessarily inconsistent with getting a little tidying up as well. If you want someone who will help around the house be clear about that from the beginning and know exactly what you are looking for. Tidying up the toys at the end of the day is a big difference from wanting beds made and laundry done.

I find having a clear description of the job is a good ice breaker. I can always start out an interview by talking about what I'm looking for and that gets things going. But it's very important to hear what an applicant is looking for too. Seeing what kinds of questions they will ask is a good window into who they are and what their priorities are. So don't talk too much before you hear a little bit of what they have to say.

So what do you ask them? Well, you can find a list of nanny interview questions on various websites. I usually do read something like this over before I interview, but truthfully I think it feels a little anal and I don't think I get as much out of the person by grilling them with dry questions as I do when we just talk.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
I like to find out a little bit about an applicant's background. Where do they come from? What was their family like? Why did they come to NY if they are not from here and what are their ultimate goals? These types of questions let you get to know them a little better, see how much they will open up and get a sense of their "vibe".

How do you handle discipline?
This is always a tricky one because it's one of those "interview questions" and you probably won't get a real answer, but even hearing how an applicant responds to this rote questions may tell you something.

How would you handle situation x?
It is hard for parents to accept sometimes, but the caregiver you hire will be the person who frequently is making the decisions for your child. They may be the one who happens to be there when your child asks the big questions. We try not to think about those things, but it's the reality and you might as well try to make sure that this person who will be there is going to respond in a way that you feel comfortable.

Your baby sitter will not do everything the way you would do it. (No more than your spouse will - and at least she doesn't drink milk out of the container). It is good to find a balance of being comfortable letting them do things their way on the things that are not important and making sure that on the important stuff you can count on them to do what you think is right.

The biggest struggle I have had with baby sitters is on food. Both of my two long-term babysitters have fed my children more junk food than I would have liked, even though they knew how I felt about it. I chalked this up to cultural differences. I would tell my sitter, "Please, no more junk food." And she would say, "We didn't have any junk food. We just had a donut." I know that my son ate more sugar than I would have liked in his toddler years because of this and I had to really wean him off of it. Sometimes I feel like I should have been more on top of this situation. Sometimes I feel like in the big picture it wasn't such a big deal considering that was my only issue in four years with her.

I do think finding someone who shares your same values makes everything a lot easier, but many care givers are from different cultures and they will see things differently on many little things that you might not even think of. You have to figure out which issues are non-negotiable, be clear about them up front, and be ready to compromise on the other stuff. Who knows what my kids eat when I leave them alone with their Dad!

How will you adapt as my baby grows?
It's easy to forget, when you are hiring a caregiver for your infant, that this same person will be taking care of your toddler and possibly your school-aged child. Try to think ahead. You may not be worried about food issues for your breastfeeding infant, but in just 6 months your baby will be eating solids. The way we think about food and feel about feeding babies is one of the most culturally ingrained things. It is important to figure out if the person you are hiring has compatible feelings about feeding a child and if they will be able to follow your direction.

I used food as an example, but this goes for many other things as well. You may not be worried about your baby nurse watching TV, but how will you feel about that when your baby is a toddler? You still might not care, but it's better to think ahead a little now on these issues.

What kind of compensation are you looking for?
Most parents hiring a caregiver have never been an employer before and it can be difficult to get comfortable negotiating, especially for something as important to you as the person who will care for your child. To make matters more complicated, you may be hearing all kinds of stories about who is paying what.

The truth is that the range varies greatly. In my experience nannies want to get paid what their friends are getting paid. So you will see little pockets of different price scales. To get an idea of how different pricing can be, check out this Urbanbaby Daily post that states nanny rates are at $15-$20 per hour! (It doesn't mention that this information is coming from the representative of a nanny service and that extra $5+ is going to the service.) Then take a look at a post from Sherri at Mom's Connect Blog who did a survey of her readers and you can see the results of that on her site along with her list of nanny interview questions. You'll see that rates are very variable with different people paying different amounts.

In my recent search I found people on craigslist were looking for $12-$15 per hour, with younger people willing to take less and more professional nannies who would clean wanting more. Add cooking, multiple children and other complications and the rates go up from there.

The most important thing when negotiating salary with a caregiver is to be very clear and upfront from the beginning. I have had sitters come to me after the first day of work or later and say they wanted me to pay for their Metrocard too. It's disheartening when you think you've negotiated everything to have to renegotiate and it puts you in a difficult spot because you think you are all done. So better to be very clear from the beginning and spell everything out.

Go with your gut.
When all is said and done, interview questions and everything else only get you so far. In the end you have to go with your gut. Is this a good person who I want my child to be around? Do I feel comfortable with this person? Do we communicate easily and clearly understand each other?

Also watch how she interacts with your children. Does she look for them right away? Does she seem truly interested in them? Unprompted does she try to interact with them. I like to see some kind of immediate interest and chemistry there as well.

You can't help but be a little nervous making such a big decision, but you should feel comfortable and trust, on a gut level, the person that you end up hiring.

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